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Sorry the report got a bit long, hence two parts and part 2 hopefully tomorrow when I get my eyes working. Heather incidently is a bit better but not a lot so it was the best that we didn't stay the night.
NukeAdmins Sponsored Binton Rally Report Oct 2006
Part 1 – Getting there
One hour before departure, and over 24 hours later since the missus asked me, I checked all was well in the Pussbus.
All was not well. No 12v anywhere that I could find. Taps couldn’t even manage a drop, interior lights stayed off when on and I thought here we go again.
Out came the hookup lead and after half an hour I had managed to get all the knots out of it and plugged it in. Hey Presto – nothing.
I put on doleful expression number 8 from my collection and mentioned it to the missus. Doleful expression number 8 turned out not to be the correct one and I was blasted for not sorting all this out the day before. Replaced doleful expression number 8 with hurt expression number 4. Crossed out doleful expression number 8 in my little book.
So I checked all the fuses and all seemed intacto and then I thought I would try starting the engine. The moment I did this the lights came on inside and the taps were coughing up air but no water. I turned the engine off and as luck would have it, all worked as it should and I have no explanation for this so any clues would be much appreciated. Checked the gas – fine, checked the water tank and all had gone.
It was around this time I discovered that the Fenwicks stuff from Halfords was smelling so much better than the Blue stuff. I am really pleased with this as it is eco friendly too. I also read somewhere that if you fill a spray bottle with it, squirt the Porta Pottie bowl and sing the song “Slip Sliding Away”, and job done. . It smells to me better than some of the aftershaves I have been given at Christmas from the kids when they only had 20p to splash out on presents for the whole family..
Next task was to fill the water tank with fresh water and as the hose would not reach the water inlet, I lifted up the seat and stuck it through the big hole in the top and went outside and turned the tap on. Timing has never been good to me and just as I gave the tap a final twist to full on, the missus stepped up into the van just as the hose shot out of the water tank and washed down the seat, floor and her.
Of course, I could see the funny side, but I appeared to be the only one that did which was unfortunate and I felt I was on borrowed time.
At last everything was ready and we reversed out into the road to begin our 60 mile, 1 hour journey to Binton.
“Did you put the camera in”, asked the missus.
Brake on, handbrake on, out the cab and back into the house and picked up the camera and then also noticed the quiz questions folder laying by the printer. “Oh! Thank you God”, and I went cold thinking that quiz night without any questions was likely to be a tad boring.
Off we went and just as we arrived on the M40 the missus asked me for M’LadyJ’s directions. I realised straightaway these were still in the printer with my autoroute map.
“Don’t worry, “ I said confidently, “I can remember the way – it’s a doddle. We just need to get off at Junction 15 and follow the main road around Stratford.”
We passed junction 13 and coming up to junction 14 which also said Stratford I decided to overtake a lorry in the middle lane in plenty of time to get off at the next junction to the other Stratford.
“You’ve missed the junction,” the missus said.
“No I haven’t. We need the next one”.
“There is no next one as the motorway splits”, said the missus and I think I detected a note of exasperation.
“Well, it’s not the end of the world darling”, we only have to turn around at the next junction and come back again. It won’t be far and we have plenty of time”.
(Dabs told me later that evening that there is no junction 14 Northbound hence an excuse for me. Sort of)
I had just finished this sentence when we hit the traffic jam. For 16 very long miles we inched our way towards the M40\M42 split and when we finally arrived at the split there was no reason for the jam that I could see and traffic was normal. Weird.
Around we turned and headed back at speed with only moderate traffic to worry about and this time I thought of nothing else than turning off at Junction 15 Stratford and this we did and I have to admit I felt a surge of pride that I had managed it. Missus of course was surprised.
I think by way of retribution, the pub lunch I was promised was superseded by some cold sausage rolls from Morrisons in Stratford.and I took this opportunity to ask a young lady parked next to me the directions to Binton.
“Turn left out of here, over the river and follow the sign to Shipton. You will see Binton and if you get to Shipton then you have gone to far.” I said thank you to the nice lady and then shortly after, with mouth fool of tasty sausage roll we were heading for Shipton.
Half an hour later we arrived at Shipton with no sign of Binton. The bitch had sent us down the wrong road.
Once again I turned around and stopped at a 2 pump garage and asked the man inside.
“Which way are you headed,“ he said, peering out at the Pussbus which was the only vehicle in the entire garage.
I really couldn’t be bothered to answer that question and stood there in silence waiting for him to work it out. Work it out he did, but I knew instinctively that I wouldn’t be seeing him on Mastermind in the near future.
“You need to go to Stratford”, he said.
“We’ve just come from there – isn’t there a quicker way?”
“No”, he said, “You have to go back to Stratford and get on the Evesham road”.
By now I was wondering if the members at Binton would be happy with a Quiz Morning rather than a Quiz Night.
Off we went again, the sausage rolls holding out and I was surprised to get a Danish pastry for pudding. Very surprised under the circumstances.
Once again we entered Stratford and after investigating a few miles of the Stratford to Banbury road we turned around again, followed the signs to Anne Hathaways cottage and felt this time we were on a roll.
Lower Binton appeared first and I wondered if Lower Binton was the same as Binton but carried on, knowing I could turn around again if another Binton did not materialise. But Binton did materialise and we headed up the country lane when we espied a field of about 50 motorhomes.
“Do you think this is it?” I said rather unnecessarily.
“How many fields containing 50 motorhomes are likely to be in Binton?” said the missus and I had to agree that this seemed a likely spot to make tentative enquiries.
We both enjoyed reading it even though we had already heard it from the horse's mouth.
So, as Doreen's not come across pusserisms before, for tonight's bedtime reading (probably between conjugal events 2 and 3) I've printed off pusser's 2004 trip to France and 1,2 and 3 of his 'report'. For those who haven't read them, here are some links but if you strain something laughing don't blame me.
______________________________________________________________ Regards Frank - - please follow me on twitter @FrankieBryant
Denn wir haben nichts in die Welt gebracht; darum offenbar ist, wir werden auch nichts hinausbringen.
RIP Peter and Fiona Our thoughts are with you Chris and Graham. Fighting with Mavis and Ray
Plusnet, Safari 5, G5 PowerPC iMac running OSX 10.5.8, Salisbury UK : Get behind early - it gives you more time to catch up.
Location: Sitting in front of my computer in South Wales
Status: Offline
Hi pusser,
As usual you have the ability to turn an everyday drive (well for most people) into an adventure , perhaps we should hire you out from MHF...."pusser's mystery trips"
MHS...Rob
______________________________________________________________ Optical illusion look closely, can you see a giraffe?
"When I was born I was so surprised I couldn’t talk for a year and a half"
I've read some funny reports on here............but that was by far the best.
What great start to monday morning at work!
Get part 2 on quick, I'll probably need it by this afternoon!
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France
Can's wait to read the second part tomorrow! Wish I could story tell as well as you!
don't blame me.
Our thoughts are with you Chris and Graham. Fighting with Mavis and Ray 
