hospital

smifee

i'm going into hospital to have a pusy lump removed. angie says they are going to cut my head off. having read this lot i'm not sure i want to go.

ACTUAL WRITINGS ON MEDICAL CHARTS IN HOSPITALS
1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night Wink

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid Rolling Eyes

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodating Shocked

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized Shocked

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. Smile

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall Exclamation

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Yorky

I don't often laugh out loud but I did at some of these.
Regards Eddie