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HelenB · Moderator

Why don't ducks fly upside down?

Because they'd quack up! duckie

Raine

hey pity its just a joke and not the truth,
it would save our car and van and drive somewhat!!!!! Very Happy

Anonymous

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?". "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him,
"You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".
"At the circus", says the landlord.
"The circus?", the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the landlord.
"The circus?. That place with the big tent?. With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused, "What the #*~* would they want with a plasterer?"

Anonymous

Very good, for some strange perverse reason I really like talking animal jokes.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A young man and his new girlfriend were out for a drive in the country when his classic Austin Healy ground to a halt.

The young man suitably embarased proceeded to lift the bonnet and stare into the engine compartment, not really knowing what he was looking at.

After about 10 mins a horse put his head over the fence took one look at the car and said "It's your distributor".

The young man nearly died of fright, "what did you say?". The horse replied "It's you distributor, the HT lead to the coil has come adrift push it back in and it'll be fine" The man looked down and sure enough the lead was adrift, he pushed it back in, the car started and he drove off.

To settle his nerves he stopped at the first pub he came to ordered a double brandy, and related the story to the landlord.

"You were lucky it was the black horse with white markings" he said

"Why"asked the young man

"Because the brown one knows bugger all about cars"

androidGB

I take full responsibility for the horse joke above, I posted it when I wasn't logged in.

Didn't know you could do that

Confused