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Sitting out here in rural France contemplating my navel and watching the seasons slowly pass by. (Now we don't have an American motorhome.)
Watching the results of all these recent TV programs where they show how the quality of life can be much improved by relocating to cheaper, sunnier, more spacious and alcoholic environment.
We see many Brits and other nationalities move into their dream homes in the 'sun.' Usually enormous great old houses of charm and character with acres of grass or trees. These homes usually only a small fraction of the cost of similar properties back 'home.'
Initially in a euphoria of smug joy that they have made it to where others can only dream of venturing on their summer holidays. Life now is just one long extended vacation. Casually sitting astride the new ride on mower trimming the lawns and waving to the neighbours.
The summer is spent making friends with like minded ex-pats all comparing the value of their recently acquired estate. Comments like "This would have cost a million or more back home." Are often heard and "Now we can afford a cellar of 100 bottles."
But reality starts to sink in with the cool of autumn. Where there was appreciation of the old character doors and windows, the stone floors and gaping fireplaces. This now turns to questions like "How on earth did they heat these places?" The 300 year old original single pane windows, the nicely weathered oak doors all permit a howling gale to blow through and up the gaping chimneys.
Realisation that those enormous piles of logs neatly stacked alongside the neighbours barn are not just for decoration. Logs here, like the wasteful fountains down south are a sign of wealth and affluence.
Central heating is an option and often installed and run flat out to try and compete with the gale coming in round the front door. It's a toss up weather to keep spending on fuel or invest in new sealed windows and doors.
A new 'insert' or heat exchanger log fire is considered. These have outputs of some 12kw. to 15kw. and really do heat the place up to a comfortable temperature but eat logs by the cord and die an hour after the last log has been added.
Now we realise why there are logs for sale in almost every hamlet. A very expensive and desirable commodity.
Most make it through the winter getting involved in various restoration projects. Creating a more comfortable environment for next winter. Temperatures in the ever popular Dordogne plummet to -10c. every winter and not just for a few days but weeks on end. Now we see why the previous owner has moved into that modern, new, featureless but efficient bungalow just up the road.
But signs of spring are appearing everywhere, Primroses and wild Orchids line the lanes and hedgerows just like it was 60 years ago in UK. The grass is growing and suddenly those neat hedges have doubled in size. These acres of flora and fauna now need constant attention.
This usually coincides with the first visitors from back home in the old country. Frantic efforts are made to trim, prune and clear just before family and friends descend for their free holiday. It's amazing how popular you suddenly become with a "Home in the sun."
"What do you do with yourselves since retiring out here?" Or the like are asked in all innocence as the manor has been hastily manicured to perfection awaiting their arrival.
We are fortunate that we have managed to buy an already modernised, converted barn. Rebuilt, lined with thermal blocks and considerable insulation throughout. Double glazed plastic windows, modern doors and a south facing conservatory all help to maintain a comfortable environment through the worst of winter.
Which here in Normandy rarely drops to freezing point. But we do get rain, lots of rain through January and February. It's at this time other quaint old characteristics can manifest themselves in these old houses. Several days of rain and the drainage ditch previously referred to as "Our stream" overflows into the back door and out the front. Now they realise why the gap exists on some doors.
Often the prevailing weather coming the West carries the rain sideways into the gable end wall. Previous attempts to keep the weather out by tiling the whole outside of this wall are not pretty but very effective. Other methods like paneling the inside always result in a horrible damp smell and occasionally mushrooms at the seams.
Other ex-pats seeking a quieter life without the work and worry of a large country estate opt for a small cozy village house. Often very modest but easily modernised into a comfortable home. Many of the conveniences like the boulangerie, bar and bottle bank are literally a stones throw away.
At first this is regarded as a plus but if you can imagine a constant stream of cars and mopeds arriving from 07.00 am. banging doors, leaving the motors running, greetings called across the street, all day and every day. This plus soon becomes a minus.
But not as bad as living beside or near a bottle bank. Imagine the din a dozen empties being dropped into the bin one at a time while the engine is left running at any time of the day or night. It happens.
Well, I hope I haven't put anyone off seeking their Shangri-La or home in the sun but I do hope I have made you aware of just some of the more practical aspects of moving to a more tranquil setting.
Apart from my claim to fame by dropping my rig into our sceptic tank, I have managed to bring two towns to a standstill in France with my RV.
The first time in a town called Cassis on the Mediterranean. I was being guided to the beach by a group of friends who joined us in the motorhome. They directed me off the motorway down into the town where all of a sudden a tight bend lined with concrete bollards brought me to a standstill. My 34ft. just was not going to bend round this obstacle.
To compound my situation it was high season and hoards of French holidaymakers were also trying to get to this beach, so the traffic immediately backed up through the whole town. I tried to reason with the guy behind me to back up but he just closed the window and looked the other way. I was unable to go anywhere.
Eventually with the town at a standstill a Gendarme arrived and gave me the worst tirade of rapid unintelligible French I have ever been subjected to.
Taken aback and unable to comprehend I backed up to the door of the rig, still getting the fury of the Gendarme. Having nowhere else to go I backed further into the rig and the policeman followed still wagging finger and tongue at me.
Now finding myself completely backed into a corner with no escape I did what any self respecting Brit would do in a difficult situation, I put the kettle on and prepared to make a cup of tea.
This infuriated the official who unable to get anywhere with me, left and took his fury out on the cars behind me. Who under his gesticulations backed up sufficiently for me to reverse out of the jam.
As we reversed back out onto the main road still with the policeman preventing other traffic from blocking us again we passed a sign which the cop pointed to with his gun. It read NO BUSSES.
I then knew what all his ranting and raving had been about. But I had been directed by a car driver who never drove anything larger than a Renault 5.
I will save the other one for later.
Ray,
Dear Editor,
The other time I brought a French town to a standstill was five or six years
ago in Brittany.
Our 34ft. Winnebago towing a small Citroen car was still around 48ft. long.
We had left the southern coastline of Brittany and were intending to head for
a campsite in St. Malo, a nice fortified port and town.
On the way we passed signs to the town of St. Brieuc that I have never
visited and had been told was picturesque. So taking the "Centre Ville" or
"Down Town" turning we wound our way into a most beautiful central square.
The trouble was the three exits were either a multi story car park, an open
car park with a height barrier and a pretty cobbled windy street that was
closed to traffic and full of tables and chairs. It's quite common in high
season for restaurants and cafe bars to place the tables and chairs in the
streets for tourists.
I stopped bang in the middle or the road and got out to survey the situation.
Angry traffic hooting as they climbed the kerbside onto the footways brought
a female traffic cop and my wife hid in the bathroom.
This policewoman realised the situation immediately and beckoned me to follow
her into the cobbled street full of dining tourists. She waved the diners to
drag their food laden tables aside to allow me to squeeze by. I still have
recollections of people still chewing with food on their forks staring up at
me in astonishment as I passed.
Eventually after two more wiggly streets like this, we came out onto a normal
road again. The policewoman smiling and wishing me "Bon Voyage" waved us away.
An hour later we pulled into the campground intended and parked outside the
checkin. It was then I found the car keys in my pocket.
We had dragged the car with the steering locked, luckily straight, for over
100 miles, through the tiny winding streets of St. Brieuc, around St. Malo
and into this campground. And I never noticed a thing.
Ray,
OK.
Not sure FAQ is the right place anyway. I have dozens of similar disasters.
Then there are my "Traveling the USA" experiences in the Blogs section.
hi ray, your right, normandy is no paradise in the winter, i had a house in the eure and the pipes froze every winter with the frost, what a nightmare, and i found the normans not very friendly, so i sold up and bought a motorhome, best thing i ever done. bluie
Well we are happily established in the Lot et Garonne, about 7km South of the Dordogne department.
Our house is recently renovated, well insulated (now) and heated by one wood burner in the kitchen/diner which runs 24/7 and consumes logs happily at a rate of about 2 logs 55cm long and 15 cm thick in 4 hours - the current room temperature is 23C, the external 8.5C
So far this winter we have had four days where the overnight temperature dropped JUST below 0C (coldest was -6C away from the house in a hollow) and we have had some rain (at last, after 8 months without any), we can NOW plant our daffodils and crocuses as the ones we planted last year (October 2010) have just started to appear.
Our gite is nearly finished and has electric heating for winter and a 15kw wood burner for other times, so yes, I can very much identify with the OP, and have been in similar positions with our MH as raynipper, but ours is smaller and does not have another vehicle hitched behind..........
BUT yes, town signs can take you into some very "interesting" situations and the locals can be rather short tempered, but they can also be charming, humorous and helpful.
But being able to spend most of the days outside even though it is January is a real bonus (but I do spend too much time on MHF! ).
Life is what YOU make of it, it is the real thing, not a rehearsal so go for it while you can!
I do not want to arrive at Heaven's gate (if I get the chance )saying I have had a lovely safe journey through life, having produced and done nothing, but would rather arrive wherever saying "Wow that was one heck of a ride I wouldn't have missed a thing".
hi dave, your absolutely right, i intend to live life to the full, what's left of it, iv'e just had my motorhome built complete will woodburner. i intend to go fulltime next june and go with my two french friends from normandy to morrocco, i'm looking forward to it. regards bluie
OK.
Not sure FAQ is the right place anyway. I have dozens of similar disasters.
Then there are my "Traveling the USA" experiences in the Blogs section.
Ray.
Keep em coming Ray. Made me smile
I'm glad I'm not the only traffic stopper My worst one was a three point turn on a hairpin up a mountain - this occurred because someone had built a low tunnel through the mountain with no height indication and I was rather attached to my roof so.......
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)saying I have had a lovely safe journey through life, having produced and done nothing, but would rather arrive wherever saying "Wow that was one heck of a ride I wouldn't have missed a thing". 
